Me, Myself and I

Everyday I am trying to control/ignore the thoughts that are passing through my mind. All the short-term inspirations are being sent to the thrash and only the long-term/"never going to happen" are left. Controlling your thoughts and emotions is 100% natural. I am sure everyone is pretty much doing the same thing. The difficult part is to understand that you are becoming a self-controlling freak. After a while you are being bored of your imagination and you ask a nice question: "What tha fuck?". That's the time you touch the punch line. Everything seems easy even though you know that it isn't. This optimistic feeling though disappears after some seconds. The nice scenarios in your head are being replaced by your monotonous reality. You try to understand what's wrong with you. Why you are a fucking loser and why you suck. Unfortunately my imagination was never enough. Misery is always right above my head. I think that I am starting to realizing one of the reason for which I personally suck so much. I am just unable to risk. I am not cool with my self in the context of society thus I am trying to follow a fucking routine with which none will realize that I am passing by. What will I do to change? Probably I‘ll just shit and wait for my turn. At the moment I am just shouting for someone to spin the dice first so I’ll understand that my turn is coming. But what If my turn has already come and none is going to spin the dice before I do it? -I don't fucking know-

At the moment I know just one thing. I can live without planning the future, I can live without eating too much, I can live without smoking, drinking, taking drugs. I can certainly live without a girlfriend or without having someone who is amazed by me. I can live without a having a tv, a computer or an mp3. There is only one thing I am addicted to. That's my friends. I could certainly commit suicide or just become mad without them.

EVOLUTiON